Special Needs Stop

At the age of 22 I gave birth to my first child. She was born healthy, happy and beautiful. Three months later something happened and I no longer was the mother of the child I gave birth to. She looked the same and had the same name but she was different. I lost faith in what I thought my life was supposed to be. I lost faith in God and myself.

I drove my daughter to the ER after her fever spiked and she began to have seizures. She had been sick with what I thought was a minor cold for a day or two and I wasn't really thinking much about it. When I arrived at the ER the staff performed a spinal tap and diagnosed her with spinal meningitis. I had no idea what that meant and before I could get any answers she was transported by helicopter to an ICU Children's Hospital. When I finally arrived I walked past her room. I did not recognize her. She had already been placed on a ventilator and IV. I felt like I was in a terrible nightmare. I was a young single mom with a lot of questions, fears and concerns. When I met with the staff neurologist I was told if my daughter survived she would have major brain damage and minimal functionality. She was telling me daughter would not walk or talk. This was not what I had signed up for. This is not what I wanted. This is not the child I gave birth to. I was angry at God. I couldn't understand why I was being punished or why He was punishing my daughter. She did survive and after a month in the hospital we went home. This was just the beginning of a journey I did not know I would take. I never imagined my life as a mother to a special needs child